Lil tidbits

** Am I the only that gets this surreal feeling when I'm in bestbuy? Well, any store that sells mostly electronics and other appliances just feel wild to me, I like the feeling though.

** Me thinks, thrifting is not a personality trait and this fanatacial trend is just filled with people gentrifying these stores for an aesthetic and to sell their finds for three times the prices that they purchased the item for which is gross.

** I don't see myself being on social media at all in the future. The only reason why I'm still on Instagram now is because I want to share my pretty face and dassit.

 Now...

Let's talk about vulnerability. I actually underestimate the intensity behind this word, but it doesn't disturb me like the word "affection" does. Affection **shudders** is just a gross word for me? Vulnerability, is not gross at all for me. It's just weird. Vulnerability is never something that I would want people to shy away from when they're around me. Vice versa? Is a different story. It's not necessarily something that I impulsively skip around, I just don't make mine a priority when communicating with other people. I'm working on it though. Vulnerability when it comes to me, kind of feels taboo. 

In my mind, I'm the only person that's able to handle my feelings. 

There are moments in my life where I feel like my feelings are too monstrous for me to share with other people. And monstrous is what they become, the more I keep them inside. It's just this huge glob of different colored playdough, meshed together. The neglected emotions that I try to hide inside this giant abstract ball of clay eventually resurface, they always do. To confront it spot on takes a lot of willpower, but I fear the possibility of my exposed ball of chaos to get stiff to the point where I'm stuck with unhealed pieces of the past more than dealing head on with my blob monster. Much like the misunderstood monster in Frankenstein, I don't want that aspect of me to harden, ever. I want my monster to be cared for and loved. This may sound cliché, but love really is the answer.

When it comes to scorpio season, I'd usually prepare myself for the worst by immediately diving into which protection methods to use. Because it's that part of the year where so many of us have no choice but to vulnerable to something from confronting our own inner demons to maybe actually fighting low vibrationsfrom other things and people. I stuck with notion for so long thinking that reaching for the nearest black crystal would help me, but sometimes when it comes to dealing with those heavier energies, you actually need rose quartz. Softness is ironically extremely strong. We guard ourselves so much due to our past experiences when really, we just need to be open more, no matter the outcome, because even with protection, it's plausible to also block out what could be positive for you. Knowing when to protect yourself and when to be vulnerable just requires balance because the probability of what may come from it will always be random. Of course, use your common sense to easily prevent unnecessary conflict, but when you hesitate to choose vulnerability, remember that life is meant to flow always. At some point, you're going to need to take a chance.